Shaaark! Whaaat?

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Today’s Art Class Lesson – How To Draw An Owl

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Happy B-Day Frank!

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We Have Many Words For Snow, But Only One For Moron

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Caution: School Science Project

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Peak A Boo I.C.U.

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Now I Go To Church Every Saturday And Sunday!

And for your Atheist friends who celebrate Christmas, these make a great stocking stuffer! Order now.  No seriously, click the picture to order now!

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No, No, No! I said, “Off to the Schmidt house.”

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Bran Flakes And Eating Healthy

Frank and Gwen were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Gwen’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on yet another holiday vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully-stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.”

Frank asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “remember, this is your ‘reward in Heaven.’”

Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

“What are the greens fees?” grumbled Gwen.

“This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You can play for free, every day.”

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch.

“Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to Frank. “This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.”

Frank looked around and nervously asked Gwen, “Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?”

“That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. “You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!”

“No gym to work out at?” asked Frank.

“Not unless you want to,” was the answer.

“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or . . . ”

“Never again.”

Frank glared at Gwen and said, “You and your Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!”

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On The Twelfth Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me!

I know there’s a joke here about sh*tty job but… (someone help me out!)

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