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- A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man
- It’ll Be My Daughter’s Again
- Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent
- Obama Presidential Library Already Built – And Filled!
- A Canadian Kiss
- Definition Of A Real Woman
- Amazing Simple Home Remedies
- We Usually Shop In The Comfort Of Our Own Home
- New Senior Health Plan
- My Parents Had An Instamatic Camera
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs.” Her father answered.
“So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
“Well, that might be OK in California, BUT we’re not having any of that shit in Idaho.”
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Montana contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. That’s $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. That’s $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born ?”
The father answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the Delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
(scroll down you’ll love this!)
You’ve Got Male!”