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- A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man
- It’ll Be My Daughter’s Again
- Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent
- Obama Presidential Library Already Built – And Filled!
- A Canadian Kiss
- Definition Of A Real Woman
- Amazing Simple Home Remedies
- We Usually Shop In The Comfort Of Our Own Home
- New Senior Health Plan
- My Parents Had An Instamatic Camera
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, “What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, ‘Are you my friend?’ or is it ‘Are you the one who killed my brother?’”
Nugent replied, “Deer aren’t capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress.”
The interview ended.
A real woman is a man’s best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions, and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.
No wait……. Sorry.
I’m thinking of whiskey. It’s whiskey that does all that.
Shit, never mind.
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life, WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40… if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can’t fix it with a hammer you’ve got an electrical problem.
You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.
And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.
Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.
Is this a great country or what?