News Of Major Infighting Within The Catholic Church

An unnamed Cardinal Priest of the Catholic Church has leaked information of major infighting or a division within the church’s College of Cardinals. The cardinals as a whole agree upon the urgency of maintaining a global Catholic orthodoxy and battling the decline in membership, but there are two groups within the College that differ on how to regain Catholic rule.

One body or group, led by a prominent Cardinal Bishop, is lobbying within the College of Cardinals for a majority vote to have the Pope sign a Papal Bull to instate what they call, “Global Inquisition”. The first battle of this Global Inquisition is to start in North America and is referred to as the “American Inquisition”.

As part of the American Inquisition the Church has been in negotiations with advisors to President Obama. This group feels if Obama converts and preaches Catholicism it would be a win-win for both sides, all U.S. citizens will be led into Catholicism thus ensuring a Democratic win in the upcoming elections. ┬áSide negotiations involve Barack Hussein Obama changing his name to Barry Sean O’Leary.

To ensure all United States citizens convert or maintain their faith and membership in the Catholic Church, all heretics will be displaced to North Dakota, and their possessions will be divided among the Catholic Church and the U.S. government.

The second group or division within the College of Cardinals is seeking a more peaceful solution to maintenance and conversion and have hired a U.S. advertising firm for a major media blitz.

The slogan for this Catholic media push will be, “200 virgins and 1,000 servants await the Catholic in Heaven”.

The Muslims have already filed a lawsuit against the Catholic Church on grounds of copyright infringement in using their “Virgins in Heaven” slogan.

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