Observations On Getting Older

  • Going out is good. Coming home is better!
  • When people say, “You look great” … they add “for your age!”
  • When you needed the discount, you paid full price.  Now you get discounts on everything … movies, hotels, flights, but you’re too tired to use them.
  • You forget names … but it’s OK because those people forgot they even knew you!!!
  • The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
  • You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything … especially golf.
  • Your spouse is counting on you to remember things that you don’t remember.
  • The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
  • Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed.  It’s called his “pre-sleep”.
  • Remember when your mother said, “Wear clean underwear in case you Get in an accident?”  Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
  • You used to say, “I hope my kids GET married … Now, “I hope they STAY married!”
  • You miss the days when everything worked with just an “On” and “Off” switch.
  • Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.
  • Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he’s home by 9:00 p.m. . Next week it will be 8:30 p.m..
  • You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve read it.
  • What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
  • Everybody whispers.
  • Now that your husband has retired … you’d give anything if he’d find a job!
  • You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet … 2 of which you will never wear.
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