"It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."
- Mark Twain
- McDonald's offers Halloween choco-pumpkin fries in Japan
- Indian man bitten by python whilst posing for selfie
- Work on sex life of rats, life as a badger honored at Ig Nobel Prizes
- City issues subpoena over sinking San Francisco luxury high-rise
- The dancing traffic warden of South Africa
- Lizard adds to Formula One's track menagerie
- Indiana man accused of mailing dead skunks, raccoon to rival for job
- All-female cast in Brooklyn stages nude production of Shakespeare's 'The Tempest'
- Food fight: British sausage thrower wins Black Pudding championship
Puns For The "Educated" Minded
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was ... more
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.. Before the next ... more
Jokes That Can Be Told In Church
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
Little Johnny To The Rescue – Warning! This Is Hilarious
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?' When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, who was her friend ... more
Mark Twain - Another Rule
"I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping." - Mark Twain
News Of Major Infighting Within The Catholic Church
An unnamed Cardinal Priest of the Catholic Church has leaked information of major infighting or a division within the church's College of Cardinals. The cardinals as a whole agree upon the urgency of maintaining a global Catholic orthodoxy and battling the decline in membership, but there are two ... more
Super Funny – Cause Unfortunately It’s True!
A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks." A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking ... more
Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more
Definition Of A Real Woman
A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more
Amazing Simple Home Remedies
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more
New Senior Health Plan
You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more
A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more
Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy, How Was I Born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more