"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

- Mark Twain

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

A Wish To Live Forever

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!" "Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses." "You crafty bastard," said the ... more

New Wine For Seniors

New Wine for Seniors California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot  Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new  hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected  to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the  ... more

Male Sensitivity

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said, "Ladies, remember that ... more
You are rooking dericious

You Are Rooking Dericious

Marriage Is A Relationship

"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband." - Anonymous

Why Doesn't Tarzan Have A Beard?

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a ... more

The Green Bay Packers vs. Obama

After the Packers/Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards. During the Packers/Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb and they had to play backup Michael Vick. During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and a backup ... more
Just comparing how George W Bush throws a baseball compared to Obama

Just Comparing

Burglary In Florida

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was a "generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder." (That's the way the police report ... more
Biggie the BareEyed Cuckatoo - I can talk can you fly

I Can Talk, Can You Fly?

I-accidently-pushed-the-accelerator-instead-of-the-brake

Letter From The Wife - I Love The P.S.

To my darling  husband, Before you return from your business trip I just want to let  you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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