"I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time."

- Mark Twain

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

My One Day As A WalMart Greeter

  My 1 Day Employment So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day .... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive and mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities ... more
In debate, Cain says Watergroping 'Not Considered Torture' especially if the terrorist led you on

Cain Says Watergroping 'Not Considered Torture'

This edition of the Bad Reporter Highlights: - In debat, Cain says Watergroping, 'Not considered torture...Especially if the terrorist led you on' - The surging Gingrich is ... more
After 40 years of marriage my wife reminds that older woman are great!

You're Not Holding Up Your Part Of The Bargain

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch ... more

Dear Abby

Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up ... more

What Andy Rooney Didn't Say About Older Women

In praise of older women. As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the ... more

Mark Twain - Congress

"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress." - Mark Twain

Obama And The Undertaker

Obama goes on a State visit to Israel.  While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack. The undertaker tells the US diplomats: "You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100". The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back ... more
Advice-from-Sven-and-Ole

Advice From Sven & Ole

Limit all US politicians to two terms. One in Office. One in Prison. Illinois already does this!
queen of the blondes

Queen Of The Blondes

Why Quarterbacks have short last names.  Frye #9.

Why Quarterbacks Have Short Last Names

Re using bottle tops to seal bags step 1

Re-Using Bottle Tops A Green Medal Winner!

Seal Plastic Bags with Old Bottle Caps. What a great idea, no more twist ties or rubber bands, instead use bottle tops to seal a bag! This methods is water proof and air tight. Cut ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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