"Be good & you will be lonesome."

- Mark Twain

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?
After 40 years of marriage my wife reminds that older woman are great!

You're Not Holding Up Your Part Of The Bargain

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch ... more

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church

A  little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let  me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a  curb and ... more

You Never Listen To Me When You're Cooking!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we ... more

Five Things To Say If Your Caught Napping At Your Desk

NUMBER 5: "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen." NUMBER 4:  "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course  you sent me to." NUMBER 3: "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!" NUMBER 2:  "Did ... more

Mark Twain - Women

"What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce." - Mark Twain

Every Morning Is The Dawn Of

"Every morning is the dawn of a new error." - Anonymous

Over Qualified To Pick Lemons?

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual ... more
Find the 44th US President.

Find The 44th U.S. President

Find the 44th U.S. President Congratulations you're not color blind!
My wife always wanted a riding lawnmower, so I made her one.

For Sale - Riding Lawnmower - Cheap!

My Wife always wanted a riding lawn mower. She works all day and was always tired when she came home from work and thought that a riding lawn mower would help her get the yard work ... more
Dog For Sale. Excellent guard dog. His name is Jethro, but goes by his Oriental street name Ho Lee Schitt

Dog For Sale

Dog For Sale. Free to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the ... more
A Mothers Love

A Mother's Love

A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?" The mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I remember about that party, you're lucky you ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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