Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.

- Anonymous

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

Are Humans The Only Animal That Stutter?

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says. A little girl raises her hand and says, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered." The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe ... more
I have a theory that Bernard's mustache is really a nose hair comb over

I Have A Theory About Bernard's Mustache

 
Trains

Male or Female?

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.  Here are some examples: FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold ... more

Farm Kid Writing Home From Marine Boot Camp

Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting ... more

Spaghetti Western

"Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed, they don't quite mean so much, except you get to hang out with all your working friends." - Primus

The Law Of The Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.  We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.  My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!  The driver of the other car ... more
air force one invisibility cloak

Thinking Out Side The Box

Air Force General: Mr. President, we've just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One. Obama: No Way? General: That's right, sir, the plane will be invisible. Will you ... more

Barack And Michelle Are At A Cub's Day Game

Sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them, one of the Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to the president. Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently. The agent then says, "Mr. ... more

If Con Is Opposite Of Pro, Is Congress The Opposite Of Progress?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why is lemon juice made ... more

Why Did The British Wear Red Coats In Battle?

During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat". Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?" A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, ... more

The Immortal Words Of Norm

He only needs an introduction of "Norm!", but in case you where asleep for the 80's and early 90's that would be Norm Peterson from "Cheers", and here are some of his immortal lines. Woody: Jack Frost nipping at your toes, Mr. Peterson? Norm: Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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