Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.

- Anonymous

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

My One Day As A WalMart Greeter

  My 1 Day Employment So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day .... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive and mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities ... more

Economic Stimulus Payment Info

Stimulus Payment Info. "This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where ... more

It Isn't Cold In Michigan Until The Lions Win A SuperBowl

65 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Michigan plant gardens. 60 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Michigan sunbathe. 50 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Michigan drive with the windows down.. 40 above zero: Georgians ... more

Two Test Tickles For Elmo!

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.  The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.  The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel ... more

You Know You're A True Michigander Eh

"Vacation" means going up north on I-75. You measure distance in hours. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. You see ... more

More Perks To Getting Old!

There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. No one expects you to run, anywhere. People call at 9pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. You no longer think of speed ... more

The Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, since the politician was delayed, the Priest decided to say his own ... more
Obama comparing medals with an Army General

It's So Sad That They're So Funny Because They're So True

shit-does-float

I Guess Sh#t Does Float!

3 Year Old Girl Helps Deliver A Baby!

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic was able to respond to a 911 call.  When the paramedic arrived the house was very dark so he asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she ... more

Texas Has Compiled A Translation Of 'Californian To Texan'

Texas has compiled a translation of "Californian to Texan" . CALIFORNIA TEXAS Arsenal of Weapons Gun Collection Delicate Wetlands Swamp Undocumented Worker Illegal Alien Cruelty-Free Materials Synthetic Fiber Assault and Battery Attitude Adjustment Heavily ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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