"We have the best government that money can buy."

- Mark Twain

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

The Last Day

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted.  One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not ... more
I've been silently judging you from afar and have determined that your all fucking retards

I've Determined That They're All F*cking Retards

Getting Old - Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."

The Boss Walks Into The Office

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his ... more

Five Life Lessons To Live By

Lesson 1: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. ... more
I'm afraid you have what's known as "children."

I'm Afraid You Have What's Known As Children

Hydrogen Barackside

Hydrogen Barackside - Kills Jobs On Contact

A Wish To Live Forever

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!" "Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses." "You crafty bastard," said the ... more
I-would-like-a-venti-vodka-vallium-mocha-latte-to-go

How To Order Coffee

Miss Kentucky and Mr. Bear.  A once in a lifetime photo opportunity.  Priceless moments.

Does The Bear Look Like He's Smiling Too?

Make up and hair style ..... $500.00 Dress for the show ..... $700.00 Stuffed Bear ..... $300.00 This picture ..... Priceless!

How Many Of Each Animal Did Moses Put On The Ark?

1. How many of each animal did Moses put on the Ark? 2. What word starts with an "e", and ends with an "e", and usually has only one letter in it? 3. In Three Rivers, Michigan, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not? 4. What is the center of gravity? 5. Forward ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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