"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."

- Mark Twain

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?
Why no one uses Mid-Husbands.

Why No One Uses Mid-Husbands

Collision At Wal-Mart

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's a coincidence. I'm looking for ... more
Why menu shouldn't write advice columns

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Striptease In Front Of An Old John Deere Tractor

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by ... more
Tonight was brought to you by the letter E

Tonight Was Brought To You By The Letter E

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes

Before You Diagnose Yourself With Depression Or Low Self Esteem

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.
air force one invisibility cloak

Thinking Out Side The Box

Air Force General: Mr. President, we've just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One. Obama: No Way? General: That's right, sir, the plane will be invisible. Will you ... more
Sign on Obama's office chair, "Gone Fund Raising".

Gone Fund Raising

Effective Canadian speed control

Canadian Speed Control

How is this for effective speed control? I don't know about you, but this would slow me down! People slow down and actually try to straddle these. This is cheaper than radar ... more

Time To Think ... Four Questions Plus A Bonus

Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.  They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly. To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time, but instead, answer each of ... more
Magic Green Hat

Magic Green Hat

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my Magic Green Hat. When I went into the ER, I noticed that 3/4 of the people got ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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