"It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."

- Mark Twain

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

Grandkids Say The Darndest Things!

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put ... more

Do You Do It Immigrant Style?

An illegal immigrant spotted a hooker. "Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asked. "$100," she replied. In broken English, he said, "Do you do immigrant style?" "No", she replied. "I pay you $200 to do immigrant style." "No," she said, not knowing what immigrant ... more

Why Are Politicians So Expensive?

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu.... + Tourist: $8.00 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $12.50 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The ... more
old-age-at-its-best

Old Age At It's Best

Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much ... more

Mark Twain - Cauliflower

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." - Mark Twain

Mark Twain - Smoking

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times." - Mark Twain

The Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, since the politician was delayed, the Priest decided to say his own ... more

The Green Bay Packers vs. Obama

After the Packers/Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards. During the Packers/Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb and they had to play backup Michael Vick. During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and a backup ... more
Biggie the BareEyed Cuckatoo - I can talk can you fly

I Can Talk, Can You Fly?

shit-does-float

I Guess Sh#t Does Float!

Free BBQ Grills and great gift idea

Free BBQ Grills - Also A Great Gift Idea

We just found out that there are many stores running an unadvertised special - FREE BBQ GRILLS! If you like to grill all year round like us you will be excited too! And, with the ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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