[On seeing a Steve McQueen movie] "He must have made that before he died."
- Yogi Berra
- Queen Elizabeth owns how many swans? Annual count gets underway
- Buyan the bear predicts Croatia will beat France in World Cup final
- Georgia police use coin toss to decide whether to arrest woman
- Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing man with scissors
- Giant crocodile captured in Australia to stop it going to town
- Lithuanian couple win world wife-carrying championship title in Finland
- U.S. beats Belgium to win (Quidditch) World Cup
- KFA decides against punishing egg-throwers
- Shootout win is perfect gift for Russian newlyweds
- 'Brides' enjoy match-making on World Cup stage
A Cardiologists Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that ... more
How To Call The Police!
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Orangeville, Ontario, Canada was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the ... more
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo, just because ... more
More Perks To Getting Old!
There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. No one expects you to run, anywhere. People call at 9pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. You no longer think of speed ... more
Over Qualified To Pick Lemons?
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual ... more
Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more
Definition Of A Real Woman
A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more
Amazing Simple Home Remedies
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more
New Senior Health Plan
You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more
A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more
Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy, How Was I Born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more