"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

- Douglas Adams

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

Going Out For New Year's Eve

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave ... more

A Man Went Into A Pharmacy ...

A nice, calm and respectable man went into the pharmacy, right up to a lady pharmacist, looked straight into her eyes, and said: "I would like to buy some cyanide." The lady pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The man replied, "I need it to poison my wife." The lady ... more
old-age-at-its-best

Old Age At It's Best

Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much ... more

Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo, just because ... more

Mark Twain - Congress

"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress." - Mark Twain

Rrriiiiinnnggg, Rrriiiiinnnggg

Phone ringing... "Hello?" "Hi Honey, this is Daddy, is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe." After a brief pause ... Daddy replies, "But Honey, you haven't got an Uncle Gabe." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy right ... more
How much longer on your 'Occupy Bathroom Movement'?

How Much Longer On Your 'Occupy Bathroom Movement'?

The White House Gardener Was Fired

It had just been reported that the head gardener at The White House has been dismissed after 28 years of loyal service to many US presidents. When interviewed the gardener protested his innocence and said, "All I did was go into the Oval Office and ask, Has anyone seen the spade and hoe?"
Free BBQ Grills and great gift idea

Free BBQ Grills - Also A Great Gift Idea

We just found out that there are many stores running an unadvertised special - FREE BBQ GRILLS! If you like to grill all year round like us you will be excited too! And, with the ... more
queen of the blondes

Queen Of The Blondes

Hearing Protection

Hearing Protection

Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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