Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.

- Anonymous

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?

The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily.  "Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?" Sniff...sniff...the ... more
merry-christmas-bitch

Merry Christmas...Bitch!

A Little Muslim Kid Couldn't Find His Mother

A little Muslim kid, crying, can’t find his mother in the supermarket. The store attendant says, "What does your mother look like?" The kid says, “I don't know. I've never seen her."

Gentle Thoughts For The Day

- Birds of a feather flock together...and then shit on your car.   - A penny saved is a government oversight. - The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. - The easiest way to find something lost ... more
They might be young, but they know how to train Mommy!

How To Train A Mommy!

Something To Remember - Not All Thieves Are Stupid

Something to consider if you have a GPS:  A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen ... more

My Awesome New Truck

I bought a new Chevy Avalanche and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The ... more
Jobs not only missed the turn but ditched in a snowbank

Jobs Missed The Turn And Then Some

The Cajun Hackberry Rural Township Volunteer Fire Company

One dark night outside of Westlake, a small town in Louisiana, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the five departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the ... more

A Young Arab Asks His Father ...

A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?" The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun." "And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man. "It's a 'djbellah' because in the ... more

!Warning! New Warning Just Released!

NEW DRINKING WARNING JUST RELEASED: Vodka & ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum & ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey & ice will ruin your heart. Gin & ice will ruin your brain. Coke & ice will ruin your teeth. Apparently ice is lethal!!! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice ~ Just drink it straight!! ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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