"What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce."

- Mark Twain

Kodak is being demolished.  My parents had an instamatic I'll send them a picture!We found that your child does not interact well with mobile devicesLio has Show and Tell today at school!That's odd... the weather called for no cloudsMitt Romney tax problems is that he's mostly in stocksIs that shredded carrots on the front of your jacket?
Larry the Cable Guy, a comedian that makes perfect sense, helping to solve our country's problems

This Makes Sense - Let's Get 'Er Done!

Larry the Cable Guy is a comedian, but if you listen to what he says, it makes sense! Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in our Country lately: Illegal ... more

New Senior Health Care Plan

So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Congressmen. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three ... more

A Blonde's Car Gets A Flat Tire ...

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk, takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike ... more
learn-chinese-in-5-minutes

Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes

Mark Twain - The Funeral

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
Fuck this shit, I'll be a stripper

Fuck This Shit, I'll Be A Stripper

Why Are Politicians So Expensive?

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu.... + Tourist: $8.00 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $12.50 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The ... more
USS-Reagan

The USS Barack Obama

USS REAGAN Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective.... ENORMOUS! When the Bridge pipes ' Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail to man on this ... more
A Canadian Kiss

A Canadian Kiss

How Many Of Each Animal Did Moses Put On The Ark?

1. How many of each animal did Moses put on the Ark? 2. What word starts with an "e", and ends with an "e", and usually has only one letter in it? 3. In Three Rivers, Michigan, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not? 4. What is the center of gravity? 5. Forward ... more

Aspire To Inspire Before You Expire

I dialed a number and got the following recording: I am not available right now, I am making some changes in my life, but thank you for caring enough to call.  Please leave a message after the beep.  If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes. ------------ My wife and I had ... more
Lio is so excited it's snowing that the only sound he makes is, Kloon!

A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Man

Deer Hunting by Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last ... more

Definition Of A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he ... more

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Men: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood ... more

New Senior Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of ... more

A Father Reflected On How Sweet And Innocent His Little Girl Was…

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking ... more

Three Contractors Bidding On A Government Job

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The ... more
Daddy how was I born?

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born ?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got ... more
For the Christmas Season remember - Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean... against chairs, tables, walls, floors, and ugly people!

For The Christmas Season Remember!

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